There’s something about hitting your 40s that brings clarity. Like finally putting on glasses after squinting for years. The hustle, the goals, the endless chasing, it all seemed important in my 30s. But now, in my 40s, I’m starting to see what really matters.
If I could go back and talk to my 30-year-old self, these are the three biggest lessons from my 40s I’d want to share.
1. Your Career Doesn’t Define You
In your 30s, it’s easy to get caught up in the idea that your job title is the ultimate measure of success. You hustle, you work hard, and your career feels like the thing that defines who you are. But one of the biggest lessons from my 40s is you start to realize that your career is just one part of the bigger picture or it’s not even in the right picture.
Yes, your job might give you purpose, but it’s not everything. True fulfillment comes from balance: finding time for family, health, hobbies, and personal growth. You don’t need to work yourself to the bone to prove your worth.
Success isn’t just about promotions or salary bumps; it’s about living a life that aligns with what truly brings you joy. In your 40s, you begin to value peace of mind over climbing the corporate ladder.
2. Not Everyone Is Meant to Stay in Your Life
In your 30s, you often hold onto relationships because you feel you should. Whether it’s friends, colleagues, or even family, you assume that certain people should always be there. But in reality, people change, and so do relationships.
What I’ve learned in my 40s is that it’s okay to let people go. Some relationships are meant to be temporary, and others may have run their course. The important thing is recognizing who truly supports you, challenges you, and adds value to your life. Holding onto toxic or draining relationships only holds you back from becoming the best version of yourself.
Letting go doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means you’re creating space for the relationships that truly nurture you and your growth. Your 40s are all about quality over quantity when it comes to connections.
3. Self-Care Isn’t Selfish, It’s Essential
When I was in my 30s, I thought self-care was a luxury, something you could do when you finally had the time or when you were “feeling burnt out.” But here’s the truth: self-care is essential, not just for your physical health, but for your mental and emotional wellbeing.
In your 30s, you might prioritize everything else: work, family, social obligations and leave yourself last. But in your 40s, you realize that you can’t give from an empty cup. Whether it’s exercise, sleep, or simply taking time to unwind, looking after yourself is the foundation for everything else in your life.
Self-care isn’t about being selfish; it’s about making sure you’re in a position to show up as your best self for others. Taking care of your health and wellbeing is one of the best things you can do for your career, your relationships, and your happiness in the long run.
Final thoughts: Learning, Growing, and Embracing Change
My 40s have brought more clarity, more peace, and more purpose. But I can’t help but wish I had known these three lessons in my 30s. If I had, I would have focused more on living a balanced life, not measured by my career alone. I would have been better at letting go of relationships that no longer served me, and I would have understood that self-care wasn’t an optional luxury, it was a necessity.
It’s all part of the journey, and the truth is, we’re always learning and growing. If you’re in your 30s or beyond, it’s never too late to start applying these lessons from my 40s to your own life. So, take a moment to reflect.
What’s one thing you’d want your future self to know?
